Redeem this text for a blowjob
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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