babies were throwing up all over the place
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
