just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
