Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
