not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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