just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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