dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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