I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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