I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
