we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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