John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
