my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
