So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
