did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
