I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
