I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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