I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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