i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
