I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize