My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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