Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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