We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
did i just pee glitter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
