I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
