exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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