I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
