I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
