And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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