:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
