I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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