apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
