My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize