Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
