I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
