i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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