Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize