I wish life had little blips of pornography
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
