All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
