I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
