awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
