I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
