Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
