it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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