I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
