Screwed.edu
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
