i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't turn off my feet"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize