Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
