U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
