my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
