its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ttyl tear gas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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