Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize