go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
