Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
