Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
