A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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