Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
