I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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