a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dicks are not precious.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
