Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
