Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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