Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
