I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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