Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
