it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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