How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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