i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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