I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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