I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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