I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
