You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize