What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
