Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
