moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
