I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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