No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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